Holy Crap Bears! (Browser Game)
Written By Fenton

They always said, if you go down to the woods today you will be in for a big surprise, and this is basically a gruesome version of what could possibly happen.

Holy Crap… Bears! opens up with an image of a bus skidding and crashing in a dark wood in the middle of nowhere. After this, and realising the danger that surrounds them, the bus driver, a mere scoutmaster, must use all of his experience in the wilderness and survive. In this 1 click based game, the left click button is all you have to press down, you operate the scoutmaster trying to find not only his troop, but also the troop’s beloved mascot, Colonel Peck….a chicken. Quite adapt considering that is how the scoutmaster is portrayed while he all but wets himself.

The game itself is extremely simple, but due to the fact that the game includes images of blood, it has been rated as a game for the more mature gamers. This is down to the fact that you have to basically avoid very demonic looking bears that will literally tear you apart if you should accidently greet one. The sounds of the game are reminiscent to that of if you were alone in the woods on an extremely dark night…which is the basic setting of this game, which means every little sound is a lot louder, so standing on sticks and bones found on the floor can alert the bears and draw them to you.

My opinion on this is you would do well to heed the old statement “let sleeping dogs lie” in this case though its bears, and the scenario brings a flashback of small children looking through their stockings on Christmas morning while also trying not to wake their parents up at stupid `o’ clock in the morning. The graphics are what you would expect from a Flash-based game. The only way to see what is ahead is by using a lantern and any other light sources. (By sources I mean the occasional campfire in the centre of the level and that’s it) The game is based over 4 different zones: The growling forest is the first with five levels, Zone two is the Claw caverns and is set over 6 levels, while zone three the Rabid Swap and zone four Mount Grizzly are set over 8 gruelling levels.

With every item picked up, every Boy Scout reached and also grabbing the walking piece of KFC, you obtain a series of points; these are dependant on how quickly you complete each level. The more points you get the higher up the submitted scoreboard you go.

The sounds are very brief, but they make HCB! work. The occasional sound of roar from a very hungry bear, the sounds of crying boy scouts, the cluck from the chicken, and the occasional whimper statement from the scoutmaster, gives the game all it needs to give you a sense of fear…while also combining a sense of humour towards the utter random nonsense spouting from the scoutmaster at random moments.

However though, you do have an option to buy items to help you along the way, such as air horns, meat and also fuel for the lantern (believe me first chance you get, get the fuel!) which can help distract the bears but also there is a frequency bar at the bottom which alerts you to how loud a growl is…the bigger the waves the closer you are to being torn apart.


Gameplay and Controls: The gameplay is extremely simple for anyone that wants a game to pass the time and procrastinate from what they are supposed to be doing. As said earlier, the controls are extremely simple because there is only one button required. The left click of the mouse is all that is required. Hold it down and you’re away. 5/5

Sound and Music: The game has next to no music, because the sound effects are what make the game. The sounds of the game occasionally make you feel slightly fearful of what sits in the darkness outside your lanterns glow, and combine this with the fact you cannot see much, with the noises you can build a picture in your mind that indicates that you are not alone in the darkness. 3/5

Graphics: As said, the graphics are what you would expect for a flash game. Very basic, very simple and they fit for this one click game. 5/5

Story/immersion/replay ability: The story of the game is a simple one. Clear the four stages, rescue Colonel Peck, and also members of his troop. The game does keep you hooked as you try to move through the darkness to avoid the bears and other items hidden from view. The advantage to this game though, is the levels are never the same, the location of the bears are random throughout, but the only problem is that the bar at the bottom of the screen which registers the bears growls, does ruin the surprise aspect as it tells you when you are near. Each time you fail, you try and remember the route, but as said, it is different each time and keeps you on your toes as you try repeatedly to complete the levels; however fail, and you restart the zone, which does keep you coming back and playing the game. 4/5

Total:  17 out of 20

Sorry No Trailer For This Title